Archive for June, 2018

Oh, Pun Season

Wednesday, June 27th, 2018 | Permalink

If you’ve come from my Facebook page, here are some more puns to groan over during the 4th of July weekend, some with comments:

(This first one might appeal more to the baby-boomer crowd)
1. “Doc, I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home.”
“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”
“Is it comm

2. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”
“I don’t believe you,” says Dolly.

3. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

4. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before

5. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.

6. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know, I amputated your arms!”

7. I went to a seafood disco last week … and pulled a mussel.

8. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

9. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

(These later ones are more complex and challenging)
10. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

12. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
“But why,” they asked, as they moved off..
“Because,” he said. “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

13. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named ‘Ahmal.’ The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him ‘Juan.’ Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

14. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good) … a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

15. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

16. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least half of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Would you agree? Or are puns a waste of pixels? Comment below.

Consider the Audio-book Alternative

Friday, June 8th, 2018 | Permalink

How often do you read books? How often do you listen to ’em? Do you prefer one communication method over the other?

These are some of the questions Marshall Davis of Davis Sound, LLC, addressed in his presentation to the Twin Cities Sisters in Crime monthly meeting at St Peder’s Evangelical Lutheran Church Tuesday evening (June 5, 2018). Previously an engineering manager for Seagate Technology, Davis launched his audio recording, video production, and editing services company in April, 2012. Since then he and the rest of the country have experienced exponential growth in the production of audio books, roughly 20-30 percent per year over the last five years, to become “the fastest growing part of the publishing industry.”

Despite his personal involvement in the business, his presentation provided a reasoned, cost-benefit approach to authors considering whether or not to market their books in audio format. Besides weighing the pros and cons of the flat-rate (potentially larger return) versus the royalty approach (no upfront costs) investment approach, he discussed the benefits of hiring a professional reader and, most significantly, provided an estimated cost analysis for a professional company like his to produce a completed audio book based on the number of words needed to be read.

While many in the audience, myself included, calculated in their heads or on scratch sheets whether such a production outlet might prove feasible for their latest opus, Davis added that the ultimate success or failure of such a venture depended upon a variety factors. Among these he included genre (memoirs provide the smallest percentage of overall sales; thrillers the highest), distributor arrangements (Amazon-owned Audible is the largest distributor by far, but there are others), high and low volume/revenue percentages based on hard cover/paperback sales, and series/bundling potential. Based on an Amazon exclusive agreement, Davis stated “In general, you would need to sell about 300-400 audiobooks to pay for the production cost(s).”

Despite appearing a lucrative revenue source for authors, Davis cautioned that audio book sales represent only three per cent of all titles sold in this country. However, people more than ever (millennials in particular) are “interested in [the] telling of a story.” With decreasing time and patience for involving leisure activities, audio books offer a viable format for authors, producers, and readers alike.

What do you think?